May 2011
1 post
i haven't posted on this in a while, but it's...
you make me feel like i don’t belong here, like i haven’t been here or lived here all my life with you. i know how to fucking shower in my own bathroom. i live here too you know. it may not be all week long but that’s just the way the tables turn. i can’t get out of anything here, i feel trapped yet i feel like i don’t belong. you even forget i was even here...
April 2011
2 posts
i'm actually the biggest unstable emotional mess...
dear world.
mom, why do you put up with his shit? he’s 100% asshole and you’re in denial. i can’t express to you the amount of hurt you’ve caused me over the past 9 years of my life, and yet it continues. everday is a struggle to just get to your house and get out the next day because i don’t want to be around him. he’s no good for you, for anyone. and i hate him and you...
March 2011
8 posts
sick of all the insincere.
i am DONE with your fucking bullshit. all you ever wanna do is sext, sext, sext. i’m not here for you to fucking use as you please. talk is talk it’s fucking cheap and it means nothing to me. AT ALL. you can’t wait for the weekend? the one you’re not spending with me again? like fuck off. seriously. you’re ALL talk and i’m sick of your bullshit. you say...
and i call that real.
you told me you loved me.
i said it back.
i’m trying to figure out what kind of love this is. it’s not like completely real. it’s not like i mean it like i would if i said it to nicole. if i would say it to her it’d be 110% real because i was in love with her and i do love her. always will.
i think this is like, more like an infatuation or a healthy obsession....
alone, yet again.
it’s 7:25 on a saturday night and i’m home doing chemistry homework. what is this. so much for us hanging out tonight, evidently thats not happening. but i guess i really didn’t expect it too. you always let me down, i just got used to it i guess.
i even asked you what you were doing. it’s alright though.
have you ever wished for an endless night? lassoed the moon and the...
what have i become.
jen. if youre reading this, im sorry for ruining your cousins relationship with you.
i had a big fight with you tonight, you blamed me for everything and said i was crazy and in therapy because i screwed myself up. these past three weeks i have felt like my old self again, crazed, paranoid, i dont know why i care about what you do. it all came rushing back, like bam hit me and slapped me square...
well.
i don’t know why you’re talking to me. did i not just spend a whole night yelling at you last weekend? like what the fuck. you awkwardly stared at me for like three minutes on your way out of the class you purposely come to to see me and tell me ‘can you text me please?’ like alright. what is that. i did not want you to talk to me again after that. whatever. i’m not...
pretty sure i threw up every where last night now my bed sheets smell rediciously. pretty sure i do not remember anything but like, texting you and i don’t even know what i said to you. pretty sure i almost drank a case well, i did drink a case of mikes hard by myseld basically. i feel sick, and it didn’t help that i drank on an empty stomach either. fuck. i really hope my parents go...
thank you, assholes of southington.
1. why did you delete me off facebook? you blonde ugly bitch. i’m pretty sure i never did anything to you i don’t even fucking know you. i guess there’s a reason why no one likes you.
2. cool we haven’t really talked in two days. you stopped texting goodmorning. sick bro.
3. i love capt. sleeping in is the best.
4. tommorrow’s finally friday.
5. angelica beerbaum...
here comes the feeling you thought you forgot.
is it normal to feel 100% alone?
because i do.
besides the obvious like, parental necessary care, i feel so alone.
i don’t feel like any of my friends are on my side anymore.
i don’t like that you’re inching your way back into my circle of friends.
i don’t like that you’re even around.
i don’t like you.
i don’t like that i feel like this means...
February 2011
2 posts
could it get any worse?
found out today my prom is on the same night as my dance recital. fuck my life.
thanks for acting weird and like a bitch. as far as i know your the one playing me.
i held your hand today. this is so bad.
i can’t even handle myself sometimes.
i'm a mess.
so our realtionship has escalated to a wholeeeeeee other level. like this is legit. i can’t even believe we got this like into each other. but i mean i don’t mean to say i don’t like it, it just, it feels so right yet so so wrong. i mean there’s logical explinations as to why its wrong but idk how i’ll tell sara any of this. we haven’t had a session in so long...
January 2011
8 posts
so do i throw up now or later?
nice fucking profile picture, first of all. you’re so two faced it makes me want to scream. you know you’re not fucking happy with the cookie cutter realtionship because you’re not used to it. and you’re planning your whole life around her? good fucking luck with that one. i literally can’t tell you how much talking to you twice has had an impact on me. you’re...
as i'm looking to the sky to count the stars, i...
i find it amazing how wrong you could be able someone. you think they’re your good friend one minute and the next they fuck you over like the world is going to end tommorrow.
i just read through most of the previous posts on here and i’m a really mean person, but you know what, i’m still not sorry. i’m not sorry for saying the things i said about her because she deserves...
so raise your glass.
the only reason why i titled this post that is because its stuck in my head. do you ever think that maybe there isn’t a hidden reason behind everything people do? that maybe they do it to just, do it. yeah thanks nike. besides the fact, do you? like tonight, i told someone something that i heard from someone else. and oh hey yeah, it had to do with nicole and her skank ass girlfriend. go...
so sick of this fucking bullshit.
i blew up on you the other night because i’m sick and tired of your constant flirting shit, which apparently you don’t even mean. i remember exactly what i said to you, and i think i’m justified in saying all of it. like honestly, you flirt with me so much, tell me so much shit, make me believe in you, and then you pull the oh, i’m just kidding about that. OH REALLY? were...
shake and pop.
HA, who the fuck you do you think you areeeee yo. ‘i almost called her last night,’ FOR WHAT? for you to expect me to be all, aw well i’m sorry, it’ll be okay. FUCK THAT. like fuck you seriously, i’m not gonna be put on the back burner because your little girlfriend was talking about college. HEY I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU. WERE GONNA GO TO COLLEGE EVENTUALLY. and GUESS...
as you drive on by, i'm tempted to run and jump...
als;djgas;lj, yeah the title should be self explanitory. it is to me. i’m not going to explain it for all of you to read.
anyway, i haven’t basically dished out my feelings in a good while.
one, i literally still hate you. it’s been three weeks. and honestly i don’t give a shit. b for bitch. a for asshole. n for narcassist. l for liar. f for fuckup. r for regret. c for...
i'm still waiting.
you know what? i fucking waited, all day and all night on christmas for you to text me. and as soon as it turned 12 o’clock i knew it wasn’t gonna happen. i didn’t text you either. i was fine then. whatever, you know? on new years eve, at 12 o’clock, i was almost sure i’d get a text from you. and i didn’t. and this time i wasn’t like oh alright...
December 2010
14 posts
and who do you think you are, runnin' round...
you’re gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul.
don’t come back for me, don’t come back at all.
it’s been almost two weeks since i’ve talked to you. and i’m breathing. i went 38 minutes in therapy this afternoon without mentioning you, i think that’s an improvement. i’m getting better. like mentally. i’m improving and i guess...
there's beauty in breakdown.
alright well this one is gonna make up for the loss of ‘spilling’ in the last post.
first of all, i’m so confused, like, alright. i can’t even like, begin to spill everything cause i don’t know how to or what to say. its CLEAR that i have feelings for you, but you make it SO CLEAR you have feelings for me and then other times you don’t, at all. this is where i...
well.
it’s been a while since i’ve sat here and spilled my guts.
so here it goes.
well, you texted me last wednesday night and i never replied. thats big for me considering you’re the one who said ‘i miss you’. but honestly, i’m tired. i’m so tired of your shit and your head games. i’m through. i’m done. i didn’t even text you merry christmas...
back to the sky on our own.
i watched christmas shoes tonight with my family, you know like the song? it was the saddest movie ever, the mom died and the grandma did and like ah. it was like a sob story. the little boy rushed to the store to buy shoes for his dying mother and didn’t have enough money and the kind man who finally realized what his family meant to him lent him the extra five dollars and it was so like...
truth is there isn't a truth about you.
really now, really? she’s been there through everything and you thank her for being a true friend? WAS SHE REALLY THERE THROUGH EVERYTHING? NO. I WAS. through 8th-the fucked up 9th, and even now. i’m STILL HERE. yet you choose to tell my ex best friend that shes been there through everything? wow, pretty general statement for two girls who’ve only been friends uhm, oh, let me...
basket case.
how could you tell her you love her? you havent even been dating for that long. this is so fucked up its pathetic. i don’t think i could hate anyone more than i hate you. you are so disgusting and pathetic its rediculous. i like honestly wish you were never a part of my life. you fucked me up so bad. so bad. i can’t even take it anymore. i hate looking at you, seeing you, everything. i...
ready to fly, here we go.
i’ve been listening to bluebird by sara bareilles for the past two days now. its on repeat currently. i sing along thinking i have a good voice, and i probably don’t. i wish i could sing and play the piano like her, or like meg. :) i really wanna play more though. i need to take time out of my day to sit for an hour and like rejuvinate because i’m extremely overwhelmed and i have...
oooooh how am i gonna get over you?
so, sara bought me the new sara bareilles cd for my birthday and there couldn’t have been a better present. i love sara bareilles and allllllll her songs. shes amazing. meh i want concert tickets now. that shall be my next mission.
i’ve been driving a lot, can’t wait to just have my liscence and get the fuck out of here. i have my own key to the jeep, and a lanyard to keep it on...
I DON’T FUCKING OWN ANYONE. you’re making me look like complete shit to all of my friends, no one of them are gonna want to even talk to me if you keep saying oh you’re owned because they’re gonna look at me like i’m a control freak. WHICH IM NOT. they talk to you, i don’t give a fuck. like GROW UP. people aren’t things, or a material, or items, they...
i fucking hate everyone.
like honestly why do i even bother?
you are SO fucking repulsive. you’re fucking with my head and i can’t fucking stand it, you’re so gross and your girlfriend is an ugly whore. i honestly regret you on all circumstances. you’re disgusting and i don’t know how i even love you. FUCK YOU. it’s better to hate you than to let you back in...
excuse me, i'm sorry, i'm really such a lady.
you are fucking gross. youre desperate for attention and a little bit to oh i want sexual experiences oh i’m so sexual oh me. yeah no, get a life. this is the real world. your tumblr makes me want to jump off a cliff, which is why i am not following you. you’re literally a phsycotic bitch. you make everyone nuts, even your best friends like hate you. grow up a little. and if you hate...
yesterday was my birthday. it was fairly good, actually. i’m just glad i spent it with my best friend. before school i was thinking about how many people would write on my wall to wish me a happy birthday, and i guess i expected some people to do so that didn’t. people like guys i was friends with, that i was almost sure they’d say it, and girls too. girls who like, know me, and...
tommorrow is my birthday. if i so much as get a little ‘happy birthday’ from you, i’m going to be upset. do you even remember? like do you know its my birthday tommorrow? i wonder. youre always mad when the people youre close with dont send you a long text on your birthday, well i’ll be just as mad if you don’t even say i love you. you didn’t respond to my text...
November 2010
8 posts
i’m sitting here rereading things i posted days ago on the verge of crying. who have i become? who am i? what is going on with my head? for all of what i know, i don’t.
I wish everyone would just leave me alone.
today everything is just going wrong.
i have to go to work in an hour and i have a pounding headache, but i need money. i’ve realized that i’ve let more things surpass my health then i ever used to. i’m a mess. i wanted to kill someone in precalculus today. and then as soon as i got to english you all were talking about prom, i’m probably not going to end up going. i’m not going to be asked by anyone. and...
where the fuck are you when i need you? why did we have to end up this way? why are you with her? it’s eating me alive, every single fucking day. and tonight i just can’t seem to focus on anything. as soon and you, a different you, stop talking to me alls i think about is her. its so bad. because i have real feelings for you but i dont want to use you. which im not if anything were...
you are so cute. lasdgjsla;jg;.
you on the other hand disgust me, like honestly fuck you. you ruin everything. you ruined my thanksgiving, and so help me god if you ruin my birthday. speaking of, does that even mean anything to you? you’re not going to like, kiss me happy birthday or like, anything? like i wonder whats going through your head considering we haven’t talked since...
sluttttttt.
YOU. you make me nuts, and to be honest, we don’t even know each other like I know my best friend. Alright so ever since that saturday we have NOT stopped talking, but you make me nuts already. when I told you I liked you, I kind of meant it. and I log onto facebook and you’re flirting again. its safe to say you’re just a slut and I’m gonna have to stop likeing you and get...
